Fierce Fitness Friday
#VikingGirl
Week 2
It's Friday again!!! Whoop Whoop!!! There is nothing like waking up knowing your weekend is just hours away. Initiate countdown please. 5, 4, 3, 2....
Ok, moving on. So, in last weeks blog post I touched on a few specific issues that were huge contributors to my massive weight gain. I chose to simplify my responses to those issues in order to be able to consolidate and give a more rounded idea of what a complicated mess I was living in. After publishing the post one of my long time girlfriends of over fifteen years reached out and requested I "dig deeper". She wanted me to break down the different struggles individually and provide a step by step approach to show other woman that they too can overcome and shine.
I have decided to take her advice. I will use this opportunity and platform to open up and "dig deep" on these issues, focusing on each one individually, every week until complete. I made a promise to myself that #project34 would be raw, unfiltered and 100% honest. And believe me I have no intention of letting myself or any of my readers down. Challenge accepted dear friend. I appreciate your love and support but most of all I admire your dedication to me and my success. It is my hope this helps anyone going though a similar situation and reminds them they are not alone.
I have decided to take her advice. I will use this opportunity and platform to open up and "dig deep" on these issues, focusing on each one individually, every week until complete. I made a promise to myself that #project34 would be raw, unfiltered and 100% honest. And believe me I have no intention of letting myself or any of my readers down. Challenge accepted dear friend. I appreciate your love and support but most of all I admire your dedication to me and my success. It is my hope this helps anyone going though a similar situation and reminds them they are not alone.
PPD
(Postpartum Depression)
Definition: depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.
Well thank you Webster but that is a bunch of generic BS. It doesn't even come close to truly explaining PPD and what it is. In my opinion you can take that hogwash and shove it where the sun don't shine. No wonder why so many mothers feel so inadequate and uncomfortable. Fearful to talk to anyone about it. By this definition losing your shit and trying desperately to keep up is just "adjusting to motherhood".
How about this for a definition Webster...
Feeling as though you are drowning in a pool of self doubt, raging anger, uncontrollable anxiety, misunderstood frustration, ultimate sadness, pure disgust, unforgiving regret and guilt ridden loneliness due to all listed emotions above. I think that's way more descriptive don't you?! Oh and don't forget the constant and uncontrollable crying! The migraines favorite breeding ground.
So how did I overcome my PPD?! First, I let my guard down and spoke about it. Alot! I knew something was not right and I made sure the people I cared about in my life knew it. That took alot for me to admit. Like I said before in my last post, I did not accept failure. I will say I am beyond lucky. I have the most amazing husband and friends that saw what was happening. They immediately stepped in and helped me get help.
After coming to terms with the fact that I really did need help I called my insurance company and requested a list of licensed therapists in my area that was covered under my plan. I then began the exhausting search for the person that I would unload all of my baggage upon. But to be honest that wasn't even the hardest part. That came next when I had to practically force myself to get out of my car and go in their office.
I chose therapy over medication which became a controversial decision for my extended family to except. Many of them could not understand my outlook or opinion on psych meds let alone Big Pharma. At this point I felt I had to defend myself. Note: to those of you who wish to help someone suffering from PPD remember to always listen with an open mind. Validation is key here and so important to the one suffering.
Now came the real work. The brutal honest truth hitting you in the face at 100 mph! Recognizing all the damage. Sorting through all the pain. Facing the failure. Pushing through the dirty mess you have avoided at all costs. Deciphering this strange creation you never felt you were apart of from the first place. Taking accountability for every mistake you have ever made and pushing forward to conquer self forgiveness.
Next was understanding that I had a responsibility to myself. In therapy I had highlighted every point of weakness I had, therefore there was no excuse to not address them. I was given the tools I needed to move forward and I was expected to use them. I discovered expectation were my kryptonite. It held me prisoner and created a place of uncontrollable anxiety. I had to be okay with letting the expectation go.
BTW life lesson here... Expectations are the number one killer in any relationship whether romantical or platonic. Expecting more of others than what you yourself are willing to give always ends in failure. Once I put all these pieces together much like a puzzle the picture was clear as day. I had created an unrealistic reality for myself. Something I would never live up to. And worst part I was choosing to live this way!
One of the most important lessons I took away from this experience besides self forgiveness was the practice of pause. My therapist explained that life is a complicated process. Period and anxiety is just the side effect. I still struggle with anxiety to this day but I am able to center myself with the practice of pause and refocus on what is really important in life. As cliche as it sounds life really is too short to not find peace within yourself.
If you or someone you know is suffering from PPD please reach out and get the help needed. Again know you are not alone. For support I have linked some great resources below. Remember never be afraid of change. It is apart of the process and a requirement to becoming who you truly are meant to be. You are not defined by your PPD. It is my hope and prayer that you can come to a place of peace and are able to love yourself again.
Thankfully,
RMB
Links below:👇
https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/in-an-emergency/
How about this for a definition Webster...
Feeling as though you are drowning in a pool of self doubt, raging anger, uncontrollable anxiety, misunderstood frustration, ultimate sadness, pure disgust, unforgiving regret and guilt ridden loneliness due to all listed emotions above. I think that's way more descriptive don't you?! Oh and don't forget the constant and uncontrollable crying! The migraines favorite breeding ground.
So how did I overcome my PPD?! First, I let my guard down and spoke about it. Alot! I knew something was not right and I made sure the people I cared about in my life knew it. That took alot for me to admit. Like I said before in my last post, I did not accept failure. I will say I am beyond lucky. I have the most amazing husband and friends that saw what was happening. They immediately stepped in and helped me get help.
After coming to terms with the fact that I really did need help I called my insurance company and requested a list of licensed therapists in my area that was covered under my plan. I then began the exhausting search for the person that I would unload all of my baggage upon. But to be honest that wasn't even the hardest part. That came next when I had to practically force myself to get out of my car and go in their office.
I chose therapy over medication which became a controversial decision for my extended family to except. Many of them could not understand my outlook or opinion on psych meds let alone Big Pharma. At this point I felt I had to defend myself. Note: to those of you who wish to help someone suffering from PPD remember to always listen with an open mind. Validation is key here and so important to the one suffering.
Now came the real work. The brutal honest truth hitting you in the face at 100 mph! Recognizing all the damage. Sorting through all the pain. Facing the failure. Pushing through the dirty mess you have avoided at all costs. Deciphering this strange creation you never felt you were apart of from the first place. Taking accountability for every mistake you have ever made and pushing forward to conquer self forgiveness.
Next was understanding that I had a responsibility to myself. In therapy I had highlighted every point of weakness I had, therefore there was no excuse to not address them. I was given the tools I needed to move forward and I was expected to use them. I discovered expectation were my kryptonite. It held me prisoner and created a place of uncontrollable anxiety. I had to be okay with letting the expectation go.
BTW life lesson here... Expectations are the number one killer in any relationship whether romantical or platonic. Expecting more of others than what you yourself are willing to give always ends in failure. Once I put all these pieces together much like a puzzle the picture was clear as day. I had created an unrealistic reality for myself. Something I would never live up to. And worst part I was choosing to live this way!
One of the most important lessons I took away from this experience besides self forgiveness was the practice of pause. My therapist explained that life is a complicated process. Period and anxiety is just the side effect. I still struggle with anxiety to this day but I am able to center myself with the practice of pause and refocus on what is really important in life. As cliche as it sounds life really is too short to not find peace within yourself.
If you or someone you know is suffering from PPD please reach out and get the help needed. Again know you are not alone. For support I have linked some great resources below. Remember never be afraid of change. It is apart of the process and a requirement to becoming who you truly are meant to be. You are not defined by your PPD. It is my hope and prayer that you can come to a place of peace and are able to love yourself again.
Thankfully,
RMB
Links below:👇
https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/in-an-emergency/
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